Memorial Day 2010

Memorial Day 2005, Flags In Ceremony, Arlington National Cemetary, Arlington, VA
Originally uploaded by USA

While we get to enjoy a 3 day weekend take a moment to remember all of those who have gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country so that we may enjoy & do what we want to do when you want to do it. To all those currently serving in the military Thank You!

Feeling Alone

So now that the fog has lifted & the crisis of my kidney stone is over & my Mom is back at home I woke up today feeling alone. I know that it's crazy as the kids & the dog are here but the reality that Robbie is gone & there isn't another adult in the house to talk to daily has come up to smack me in the face. I realize that this is all part of the grieving process but it totally stinks. I am so thankful for all of my friends & family that are part of my support system but it still isn't the same as having that person in your home that you talk to every day and tell everything too. I'm hoping that this part of the grieving process doesn't hang around too long. It's almost unbearable at times.

Kidney Stones

Bag
Originally uploaded by blkwido

Ah, so Thursday I had to have a lovely kidney stone blasted. Can I just say I hate, hate, hate being knocked out to have surgery. Thankfully this surgery there was no cutting but still. I am currently on the mend but I must say this is a procedure I never ever want to have done again.

Coming Out of The Fog

needle through the fog
Originally uploaded by Chris Blakeley

The other day I had this feeling of a fog lifting off my body. I was in this strange place for the past 2 months since Robbie died & I didn't know it. As I've been coming out of the fog I look back on myself and the person I see is someone I didn't know these past 2 months. It's strange to be able to look back on yourself & your actions & say "Who was that person?" I am at a place where it seems as though several things a day make me cry because I'm sad for what we lost. Every picture will be missing something, every memory will be forever changed by our loss. I am not the same person I was at 6:29 AM March 18th, 2010 before I found Robbie passed away. I am forever changed. I truly realize coming out of this fog that life is a precious gift & to not be afraid to live.

Mother's Day

So as many of you know my Mother's Day was a bust last weekend. I was on the couch on pain pills due to my kidney stones & kidney infection. Didn't get to celebrate didn't get to do much of anything. This was the first Mother's Day without Robbie & I was so out of it that I don't believe the reality of it has sunk in. While it was the most peaceful Mother's Day I ever had it totally stunk. I would have much rather been with my family. I had plans for how we were going to spend Saturday & then Sunday with my family. Totally didn't work out. My cousin David took these photos of my kiddos since the whole family was together. I really missed out.

Being A Single Mom

So last week I found out one of the sucky parts of being a single mom. The Mom gets very sick & there's no spouse to help out. Last Wednesday I became quite ill with kidney stones & a kidney infection. The weight of the reality of how I am supposed to do this on my own (I have my family helping so I'm not technically on my own) hit with full force. I have had several moments where I've been mad at Robbie for leaving us because let me tell you this is not an easy thing to do. I am beyond blessed to have such wonderful family & friends to help out & keep my spirits high. I don't know what I'd do with out them.